"weasel" error code despite taking all troubleshooting steps

Malevectix#0242

Steam, Windows 10 Pro (latest package available)
i7 4770k (~18% better than minimum specs)
ASUS Z87-A (LGA1150)
32GB DDR3 (4x8GB @1600MHz)
2x2TB SATA3 SSD (Samsung 850 EVO and Samsung 860 EVO) [I am not in RAID]
GTX 1080 Strix (8GB VRAM)

Description and Reproduction:
Title Screen -> Press Key to enter Intro Cutscene -> ~45 seconds pass -> "weasel" error code
Persistent, never been able to reach even the main menu, happens every time without fail
Most recent attempt: ~4:30AM EST

I have done both the Troubleshooting Guide, Advanced Troubleshooting Guide, and repaired my Windows 10 installation.  I am not on a college campus, I am in a residential area in a standalone house that does not share any internet traffic with others outside the building.
These are the things I have done, itemized:
-flushed DNS
-ipconfig release/renew
-DNS server as 8.8.8.8 and 8.4.4.8
-netsh winsock reset
-no VPN
-cleared temp files
-shut down overlays
-verified game files
-updated NVidia drivers
-reinstalled BattlEye
-restarted computer multiple times
-restarted router multiple times
-restarted modem multiple times
-no third party anti-virus
-wired connection
-Nighthawk router with no problems with any other game or application (Down 450+Mbps Up 10+Mbps [no issues with Packet Loss])
-modem model Spectrum EU2251 - it has no NAT and functions only as a Bridge
-Nighthawk is set to Open NAT and is on latest available firmware
-UPnP is on
-Ports forwarded according to Advanced Troubleshooting Guide
-No ports are closed on a blacklist

There are no outages with Spectrum ISP during the several times I have attempted to play.  Given the lack of issues from other applications, and having fully exhausted all avenues available on this website, the persistent error I face seems most likely to be a bug.